killthehero

killthehero @ 2008-01-22T14:36:00

2008-01-22T19:36:44Z

hahaha, i have no style and no self confidence.

killthehero @ 2007-10-05T00:16:00

2007-10-05T04:16:49Z

my soulmate. lol.

killthehero @ 2007-08-23T03:04:00

2007-08-23T07:05:23Z

wow, i'm so happy i could scream. and yet very nervous at the same time.

killthehero @ 2007-08-19T03:39:00

2007-08-19T07:52:43Z

I have a well balanced amount of people in my life that I would like to think understand me and my actions. I'm starting to realize what is important in my life and who isn't. it took a good lashing to let that sink in and completely grasp the concept. it's comforting to tell yourself daily that these people give a fuck, when in all reality will just screw you over when the shit hits the fan. tonight I sat around in my self pity and contemplated what my options were and it dawned on me. It's not a big deal...it never was and I feel at peace. the drive home all I thought about was the conversation I had previous to this live journal self rant. it's the most amazing feeling ever to meet someone who is on the same level as you and can keep you level headed. someone who knows nothing about your past and the bullshit that comes with it. it's a fresh start, a new beginning and a better outlook on life. as cheesy and repeatave as it sounds I'm going to be fine, even if its compromises letting go of what I've built so hard to keep. take it or leave it.

killthehero @ 2007-07-26T12:44:00

2007-07-26T16:45:29Z

most of you are a bunch of flakes. and i think i'm starting to hate you. wow.

killthehero @ 2007-07-25T14:22:00

2007-07-25T18:22:26Z

i'm so close to getting my new car. its going to be beautiful.

killthehero @ 2007-07-19T20:26:00

2007-07-20T00:26:52Z

good lord i love you

killthehero @ 2007-06-19T02:24:00

2007-06-19T06:23:49Z

I can't even comprehend how late it is right now and why I still have my work shirt on. My parents should be getting up up to make coffee soon. I smell like cigarettes and Armani code. Hopefully the amounts of perfume will cover up what i've been up to tonight. what the fuck is up with my life choices lately?

killthehero @ 2007-06-06T19:20:00

2007-06-07T00:14:55Z

I need to start thinking more clearly. I keep thinking about the "what-ifs", who should be blamed, what could be done to fix it. the only reasonable answer I could come up with is to wait. time is the only thing that's going to give me the answer I need;not the one I want. For once in my life i have to stop blaming the world for whats wrong in my life and just go with the flow. Things are going to work out. There is nothing I can do at the moment to fix anything... and frankly i'm just making myself sick with the "what-ifs". in a perfect world I could just forget that I have problems. I could continue telling everyone that I don't care. but the fact of the matter is I care to much and its becoming unbearable to think clearly anymore. I'm not one to talk about my problems I usually just listen to everyone else's. I come up with pretty good advice too, yet I can't listen to my own. I guess you could say I'm pretty hypocritical sometimes. but hey, at least i'm aware if the shit i have to do. some people are clueless. oh fuck me.

killthehero @ 2007-06-02T00:39:00

2007-06-02T04:43:44Z

you turned into the biggest waste of life in a time span of a month. hanging out with trashy bitches that wear make up up to their eyebrows and pot smoking gutter sluts with nothing higher then a GED.

look at you... social king of 2007. doing anything to please a crowd, even it compromises the real relationships you had around you. you're worthless to me. i'll get over you but you'll spend the rest of your time trying to replace me.

killthehero @ 2007-04-06T22:24:00

2007-04-07T02:24:12Z

Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a why. Maybe somewhere there's that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen

killthehero @ 2007-04-06T12:41:00

2007-04-06T16:40:33Z

"Give me a sign and let me know we're through, if you don't love me like I love you. But if you cry at night the way I do, I know that somebody's lying"

running on 2 hours of sleep

2007-04-01T05:40:18Z

it's this fucking life. you never know what's going to happen next, see most people don't know how to feel; you've got to know how to read the signs- you have to have the skills to pick apart a another human being before they do it to you first. before they get you when your guard is down. let someone in they always find a way to disappoint you.

killthehero @ 2007-01-30T00:37:00

2007-01-30T05:51:14Z

my heart just aches.
this is and always has been so much bigger than myself.

i don't know how to describe the way the weather makes me feel anymore. i see this almost everymoring before i drive to school. the way the ice just sits on my windshield with the foggy view of whats ahead ...i can't help but think about how long it will take for it to melt. i associate the melting ice with the rest of my day. .. the rest of my week... how long is is going to take to get this over with before i have a clear view of whats ahead.

How is it
That such long days
And such long nights
Can comprise a life
that goes so fast?

killthehero @ 2007-01-06T12:46:00

2007-01-06T17:47:05Z

todaysmy birthday. andidont thinkanyonecares.

this is depressing but...

2006-12-25T04:23:18Z

is there still beauty, despite everything???

(i can't find it; it can't find me anymore)

killthehero @ 2006-12-09T14:47:00

2006-12-09T18:47:44Z

i'm the worlds greatest actor.
i can be three different people at once and still pretend to be happy.
go me.

killthehero @ 2006-12-02T16:51:00

2006-12-02T20:51:50Z

i need a break

killthehero @ 2006-11-19T16:32:00

2006-11-19T20:32:04Z

i'm constantly growing. i'm slowly learning that everything happens for a reason and that out of every negative must come a positive. i'm clenching onto my optimism in fear of it being washed away. I stopped smoking. every now and than I'll take a drag at a party but than I reflect on what a disgusting habit I let it become and promise myself not to do it again. i go to the gym with my boss now. that's a story all in itself. my next goal is get my license before i turn 30.

blah blah blah

2006-10-23T23:43:16Z

this past month the only thing i remember is going to school and than going to work. i need a break just a day or two to get back on track, get some sleep. i'll take anything at this point. i need to stop eating shitty foods, go on diet and stop smoking. lets see how long this lasts.

killthehero @ 2006-09-28T15:59:00

2006-09-28T20:00:20Z

The new Justin Timberlake cd is off Da h00k

killthehero @ 2006-09-19T23:34:00

2006-09-20T03:34:08Z

i seriosuly need to stop.
it's getting bad.

killthehero @ 2006-08-15T13:13:00

2006-08-15T17:15:29Z

at summer camp,
we'd play a game where,
shoulder to shoulder
we'd hold our hands out.
one brave soul would shut
her eyes, stiffen herself,
and fall back
against the circle of hands,
trusting enough in us
to prevent a fall. we would
pass her around, and then,
exhilarated, she'd open her eyes
and marvel at who she'd found
she could trust.
to be perfectly honest, i was always
hesitant to volunteer,
but i swear,
my hands were the strongest,
my stance ready
to catch anyone.

and when i think about it i wonder if that would of helped me out in the long run.

killthehero @ 2006-08-07T12:39:00

2006-08-07T16:41:07Z

i've started to look on the bright side of things.
it really does help.

killthehero @ 2006-07-19T16:19:00

2006-07-19T20:26:03Z

my incompetence is baffling. i need to learn how to do things.

although, i must say, i'm quite good at complaining